This was our last full day in Guatemala and whoa did I have a rough morning. I woke up early to do my devotion outside and take in every last bit of mountains and scenery that I could. Then it just hit me. This was it for now. I know that I'm called to missions in some way but I'm still waiting for God to make that clear to me. So for now, going on these trips and pouring my heart out and then leaving is so hard! I thought about the kids I was leaving, and how they'll go on with their life and I wonder how much of an impact we made- if any. I thought about the ones we didn't touch- the ones that weren't brought to the orphanage. There was one baby that was found in the ditch before he was brought to Casa Bernabe, how many more are out there? How many have died on the streets? There was so much to think about and while I felt like I did so much while I was there, I still felt like there was so much that wasn't accomplished and I wanted more time.
Waiting for me at home is a job as a secretary and if you know me, you know that returning home to THAT is extremely difficult. I am so grateful to God for what He has given me and provided me with- especially in these hard times. But at the same time, how do you find peace at a place when you know you are called else where? I was just overcome with this desire to do more, BE more, help more and time was up.
That morning at church, while I was holding my little lover, Alex, I just began to cry again. Lynette, the house mom from the baby house, came over to talk to me and after explaining a little bit what was going on in my heart, she offered me a teaching position for a teenage girl who lived close to the city of Antigua. At first I was ecstatic and afraid all at once. It is still a decision that I am praying over, even at this moment.
Later that night all the houses at the orphanage put on a thank you show for us. They sang and danced and talked and gave cards. It was incredibly sweet to see them give back the way they know best. Afterwards, our team was called up to the front and they asked the kids to come up and lay hands on us and pray. By this time, if you weren't crying you were a robot. Kids bum rushed the stage as they tried to find the helper that they bonded with the most. You had kids hanging off your neck, squeezed on your lap, reaching over other kids, pushing some kids off of you. And they just clung to you as we were prayed for. It was an emotional day but I know that none of us would change it for the world!
